Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
