apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
