I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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