dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
