It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
