i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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