i was born a porn star she said
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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