You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
