found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
