CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
