just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
