3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My liver just broke up with me...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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