She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
