You're so nebulous sometimes
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
