Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
