I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
