So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
