I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
