so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
