Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
