Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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