my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
