YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
