Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
