Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
