cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
