it's not cheating when I paid for it
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
