i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
