remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
