come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
