I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
