Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
