Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
operation have a gay friend backfired
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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