Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
