if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize