You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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