Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i love accidental penises.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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