When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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