remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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