Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
