Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
