All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
