what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize