those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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