I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize