Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize