every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize