i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
