i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
