Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
