David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
