fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
When did angry sex become our thing?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
