you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
