Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
