Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
