also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
