They should really pass out barf bags in church
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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