I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
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