i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize