atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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