People in love make me want to vomit
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
