Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
