ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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