hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
