Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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