I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
