I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
