When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
