I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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