So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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