plz talk dirty to me
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
