Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
