Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
