So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
